Linux represent!

Give your teacher the gift of insight, paper clip and rubber band included.

I'm the writer, the director, and the star.

From another era.

Little known fact: knights in chess travel over other pieces by rocket jumping.

Take a knee, boys. Now, any helmet will protect your head when you're wearing it – but what about when you're NOT? The Bolt Action Blitzer solves that problem by securing it to your skull with three one-and-a-quarter-inch coarse-thread galvanized crown bolts. Make sure it's in your favorite color, 'cause you WILL be buried in it.

'If ye gaze upon one tome-themed badge this year, MAKE IT NOT THIS ONE!' - Merasmus the Magician'

He had one all along...

Celebrate the Demo's most serious childhood injury with this gruesome mask based on his missing, haunted eye.

Mann Co. got a great deal from a nice lady in an abandoned science facility on a warehouse full of slightly used, possibly mildly defective sappers. Unlike our other sappers, the Ap-Sap is sentient, and will provide hours of lively, one-sided conversation while you're trying to work.

Now THIS is a knife.

Slay it with flowers.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

Since America was founded over ten thousand years ago, the noble eagle has been its symbol of freedom. Show people how much you like freedom by clubbing them senseless with a golden eagle on a stick, just like Kofi Annan.

Every merc's crazy for a sharp-dressed man. With 15th century murder-knives extruding from his cufflinks.

Packs a devastating punch with a hint of Mars dust.

A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

Trick your friends into thinking your enormous metal hat is a smaller, different hat. If this was actually illegal it would be the PERFECT CRIME.

Heavy is a man of intrigue, and every intrigue-man worth his salt deserves a fine hat and moustache to sport. That way, people can excitedly whisper things like: "I wonder how long it took him to grow that moustache" and "what do you think he keeps under his hat?"

Demo is already a lot like Santa Claus. They both have extensive knowledge of modern explosives, they both hate Judy Garland, and now, they can both sport a charming beard and corn cob pipe.

Roast this steel ushanka in the fire and place it on your head for sustained warmth throughout the day. Make sure to come up with an impressive sounding fake anecdote for your third degree burns!

While the rest of your body's at war, why not treat your feet to a little taste of the tropics?

Scientists have long been baffled by the seamless metal construction of Native American grass houses and wigwams. The secret? Native Americans were filled with gasoline, and could reach a welding flame temperature of 3100 °C.

The good, the bad, and the dead.

Why did we just take one of those cards out of our hats to blatantly cheat at poker? Maybe what you should be asking is this: why are our knives...in your gut?! You might also want to ask: where is the nearest hospital?! And: is blood as important as everyone claims?!

Let's see you do that again, Private.

Chain-smoking Frenchman
Skulks in shadows, then attacks
Terrifying mask

Express your dislike for the living.

Tenth Most Famous Reindeer? Not for long! Reindoonicorn may have hit rock bottom after being benched in favor of a mutant with a bioluminescent growth on his nose, but those decades spent bouncing from one halfway house to the next have given him all the grit and determination he needs to get back on top! That and the fact that he's recently been seen hanging around with nine heavily armed lunatics practically guarantees that this is one reindeer to watch out for.

Give your opponents the gift of hesitation this holiday season when they pause to think, "Is that a cute little deer, or-" KA-BLAM! Dead.

Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combine with the intoxicating aromas of methyl alcohol and gasoline. Do not wear in unventilated areas.

Way way more ghastly.

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Heads will roll.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

ÜberCharge provides 75% resistance to a selected damage type. You are healed for 25% of the matched incoming damage on your heal target.

Own this one-of-a-kind piece of memorabilia from the classic ‘70s film "Blaxton Hale vs. Black HAL 9000".

This hat kicks your ass so hard you'll fly into an alternate dimension where Vikings are robots. Deal with it!

Karate masters WANT you to think there's no belt higher than black. But what if we told you there was a secret metal belt ABOVE black that lets you kick a black belt's ass all over the place? Scared black belt guys have been trying to keep a lid on this for years.

This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

Mecha-Medes first appeared in Archimedes' Flights of Fantasy #314 when Archimedes accidentally fell off a table into a parallel world, met his robot double, ate some seeds, squawked in terror at a half-buried Statue of Liberty, then flew into a patio door.

These pint-sized pain proxies combine the erotic mysticism of Haitian voodoo with the stultifying boredom of math.

The carpets will run red with enemy blood thanks to this dapper Second Annual Saxxy Awards ensemble.

Humorously vellicating vitreous.

Wee! It's summer! We're having fun!
AH GOD IT'S BOLTED TO HIS HEAD!

Walkin' down the street to the hardcore beat while his Mann Co. boom vibrates the concrete.

Slay-bells will be ringing in the slow-roasted ears of your burn victims.

The Demo keeps his fortune close to his chest: Specifically, on the other side of it, strapped to his back. You won't find money in it: Demo wisely invests in gold, which he then spends on rare cask-aged liquors, which he then usually drinks, which is why he keeps it locked and the key hidden.

These steel-toed dogs were scientifically engineered (in a wind tunnel) by America's foremost authorities on mouth-kicking to perfectly fit the inside of an idiot's mouth.

You dasher! You dancer! You prancer! You VIXEN! Pull Santa's sleigh all by yourself, you sexy little man.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Pills Here!

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Don't let the name fool you: These aren't actual battery canteens capable of converting stored chemical energy into electrical energy. They're just regular canteens that look identical to your water canteen and are filled with battery acid.

Don't leave your friends hanging.

This is a press-and-hold taunt. Hold down the action slot key to remain in the taunt's pose.

Share a good natured laugh with everyone except that one guy you just shot.

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

Remind those ungrateful bastards how valuable your Medic skills are by striking a heroic pose accompanied by an angelic choir, beams of divine light, and a flock of doves.

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

Splash the pot with all you got.

And kill, and break, and smash, and bite. Mainly maim, though.

The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?

The handle of this hand-forged survival knife is crammed with all of the things you'll need to survive in the wilderness, i.e. a pack of matches and three raisins.

Experience the vicarious thrill of the tough-talking, dame-seducing gumshoe by reading the collected works of Raymond Chandler. Then take a break from all that and try on this novelty-sized cartoon dog hat.

These curved titanium shock-absorbers connect to the base of your spine and run down the inside of both legs. Now when you fall from a great height, the agony of impact will be absorbed, then conveniently redistributed to your whole pain-wracked body.

Go incognito as a handsome man and enjoy the secret benefits of the exceptionally attractive. High-paying jobs! Erotic encounters! Free bread sticks at the Olive Garden! Eat as many as you can, though, because eventually the mask will rot off, leaving you uglier than before.

Like all identical twins, you were born from a cyst in your sibling's neck, grew into an evil head, and eventually sloughed off your twin in your own exact duplicate body. Now you can't tell each other apart! Take out the guesswork with this identifying demonic skullcap.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

Bones: They hold your body up, keep all your meat in place, and they're all that separates us from jellyfish. Why keep them inside, where they can't get the acclaim they deserve? Here's to you, bones.

This hat is a spy.

You never took a break from cp_foundry, and now you can prove it with the actual steam whistle used to call the breaks you never took!

This snappy all-class stovepipe commemorates man and monkey's joint attempt to conquer the heavens with a built-in rocket that, every year on the anniversary of the launch, might violently explode.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You love the hard-hitting Robin Williams/Nathan Lane bird prison drama "The Birdcage" so much you wish you could be thinking about it all the time. The problem: Life's many distractions. The solution: This.